Taming the “Dear Future Husband” Obsession

Ladies, can we reason together? This has been on my mind for a while. I’m trying to understand Christian ladies’ obsession with “Dear Future Husband” posts.

I’ve read, listened, watched and prayed. I fear that many of you are being taken captive by youthful lusts and do not recognize it.

Marriage between a single man and single woman is a beautiful God-honored relationship.  It’s okay to temperately desire to be married in God’s timing. But are you making “future husband” and marriage idols?

The only appropriate time to write a “Dear Future Husband” post is:

  1. To Jesus since the Church is His bride.
  2. If and only if you are presently engaged to be married. In this case your future husband is real; not a fantasy. Be careful with this also, as you do not want to stir up sexual lust.

Dear Future Husband Obsession_ModelMeGirl

Under the Influence

Yes, many Western girls have been heavily influenced by unrealistic romantic movies and childhood fairy tales. So, it’s easy to blame Hollywood concerning this obsession with future husbands. But Hollywood isn’t the major problem with this issue. Christian women and girls who are influencing and encouraging one another to write love letters to a man on a wish list are to blame for this fantasy infatuation. Vain imagination.

When we are deceived, we go and deceive others. But we don’t have to be deceived. The “Dear Future Husband” posts are not a write the vision and make it plain ordeal. This is lust wearing cheap, imitation perfume. This does not smell good and sweet in the nostrils of our Savior. It stinks.

God’s Will?

Is it God’s will for you to be married? Maybe; maybe not. God knows. It is truth God calls some people to be single, like the Apostle Paul. Who knows if this will be the same for you?

Beloved, why not be about your Father’s business as you cultivate your faith, becoming rooted and grounded in His Word and love? Why not work on your character, sharpen skills and enjoy this present season in your life? The time it takes to craft these “Dear Future Husband” posts could have been given to something much more meaningful, such as prayer, reading the Word or helping someone.

Have Temperance

God never told you, me or anyone to obsess over a mate – current or future. This obsession easily creates idols in your heart and mind. Obsession is lack of control, and God wants us to have temperance. This is self-control. Patience is closely related to self-control.

2 Timothy 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

The Word of God says to flee youthful lusts. Again, this is a mark of self-control. I say to you, these “Dear Future Husband” posts are propelling you towards youthful lusts, not away from them.

Heart Check

Why are you fixated on this? Do you believe the myth that you are incomplete without a spouse? Do you believe marriage is the ultimate dream?

“Dear Future Husband” posts are masks that poorly disguise the root of a deeper issue.

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

It appears your treasure is found in a husband. As such, this is where your heart is.  Beloved, do you not want to store up treasures in heaven?

Revelation 2:4 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.

This obsession is revealing a lot about your heart.  Beloved, do a heart check. Be honest with yourself as you reflect on why “Dear Future Husband” means so much to you. Repent and remember your first love, Jesus Christ.

Wonderfully Single

1 Corinthians 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

In a nutshell, Paul said that in your singlehood, you’re able to give more of yourself to the needs of Christ because you do not have the family-life obligations. This is comely, or beautiful, pleasing and acceptable.

2 Timothy 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Many of you are proud to declare you are unashamed of your faith. This is good! But are you being an example or a stumbling block to another woman or girl in and outside the faith? Are you encouraging women and girls to spend their time thinking about a man? To write to a fantasy? Are your words and life examples of purity?

This “Dear Future Husband” obsession is a device of the enemy so that he can steal your focus and try to get you to become impatient waiting for God’s timing, if indeed marriage is in His will. You think you’re being pure in calling him “Future Husband” but all you are really doing is writing to an anonymous man.

God doesn’t need your help in sending the right man to find you. You don’t have to strategically place yourself somewhere hoping you’ll be seen. You don’t have to wear revealing clothing to grab attention. You don’t even have to ride on the “Dear Future Husband” bandwagon.

Enjoy not having certain distractions in place as you serve God! When and if God allows a man to find you, it is well. But until then, stop creating distractions for yourself with the “Dear Future Husband” obsession. Get your heart and mind fixated on Jesus Christ!

Be pure. Stay holy. Take off the blindfold and open your eyes.