How to Deal with an Angry Person

Anger is always looking for a place to rest—a place to call home. But you don’t have to allow it to claim your heart as its own.

We cannot control how other people talk and act. But we can control our own actions and reactions. The bible is a manual for righteous living; whether it’s about how to dress (modest apparel), or how to turn anger on its head. We can use God’s Word to direct our lives.

Words to Live By

I’m going to share three bible-based tips on how to deal with an angry person. These are not in-depth, but they are a starting point for conflict management—God’s way.

  1. Reply with a soft or gentle answer.
  2. Agree quickly with the person. The bible refers to the person you’re in disagreement with as your adversary.
  3. Don’t be friends with an angry person; don’t associate with people who are easily-angered.

A Soft Answer

A soft or gentle answer disarms the angry person. On a carnal level, it’s pretty hard to be soft and gentle towards someone who is yelling at you, name-calling or pushing buttons for a brawl. We want to yell back, sling out insults, and hurt the hurter. But this formula isn’t God’s method, but that of the flesh.  It’s a formula for mess. Grievous or harsh words is the spoon in the pot. Keep stirring and you’ll get more anger out of the person.

Go to higher ground, instead. Walk in the Spirit and remember Jesus. Recall how He didn’t say a mumbling word as He was spat upon, hit and beaten. This means you’ll practice some self-control by being silent at first, giving yourself time to consider your reaction and its consequences.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

The other person may think your meek demeanor is a sign of weakness, but you should know it is a mark of power. Why? Well, this formula for success came from God, so how can it be anything but powerful?! Also, it demonstrates you choose to not be controlled by your emotions by taking the time to think before you speak, craft a gentle word, and ultimately please God.

A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath

Agree Quickly

God wants us to settle matters before we show up before a judge, mediator or third-party with the other person. He doesn’t want things to go that far. More importantly, God is the righteous Judge. Don’t show up before God with a matter unresolved between you and your brother or sister. God doesn’t even want our gift at the altar until we go to the person we believe has something against us.

Matthew 5:25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver you to the judge, and the judge deliver you to the officer, and you be cast into prison.

Agreeing with your adversary quickly or settling a matter doesn’t mean you’re admitting the other person is right. It means you’re not wanting to allow anger to get a hold of you or them, and cause either one of you to sin. Many times we allow anger to cause us to sin. We don’t think rationally when we are angry. The sooner you deal with and fix the problem, the better. We shouldn’t give a root of bitterness the chance to spring up. People all over are hating one another, walking around as spiritual murderers because of a disagreement, misunderstanding, hurt or neglect that bubbled into anger.

Don’t Associate

You’ve given a soft answer and agreed with your adversary quickly. They’re still angry, and seem to wrap their identity in being the mad one. What next? Prayerfully think and take proper action.

Why put or keep yourself in a potentially dangerous position by staying in the presence of someone who is always angry? You don’t have to take abuse and be the verbal, emotional or physical punching bag for someone who chooses to remain unhappy. You do not know if or when that anger may become rage.

Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man you shall not go:

Furthermore, God doesn’t want us to learn the ways of angry people. He knows the power of mirroring, and how easily we may mirror another person’s bad behavior. If someone is angry all the time, the anger is a symptom of a deeper problem.  Pray for them, and continue to show kindness and love. Understand the anger is probably masking hurt. Yet, do not make this person your familiar or intimate friend. The spirit of anger that envelops him/her may try to consume you too.

Remember, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

mmg-j-name

Taming the Culture of Distrust

I read an article this morning about trust. According to the  AP GfK poll, people in America trust one another less and less.

When it comes to trust, there’s a huge difference between trusting someone and trusting IN someone.

Psalm 118:8  It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

On the other hand, it’s hard to trust others if you do not trust God or yourself. We know there are degrees of trust, too. The more someone proves to be accountable and consistent, the more likely we are to trust that person. So s/he proves him or herself over time. There’s also the pattern of distrust. This occurs when a person is let down or trust is often broken. When we don’t trust someone, it’s because we find them unreliable or dishonorable.

Welcome to the (American) Culture of Distrust.

Our levels of trust also change depending on context. We may trust someone who has access to our medical records in a healthcare setting more than someone we meet while traveling away from home, or the sales associate who swipes our credit or debit card.

Learning to Trust

[pullquote align=”left”]Luke 18:8 I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?[/pullquote]

Here at Model Me Girl, we talk about taming your self-convo, particularly the negative ones.

Are you verbally abusive to yourself? Do you lie to yourself? Feel like you let yourself down all the time? In many cases, how you treat and talk to yourself is training ground for how you treat and talk to others. This influences your ability to trust. But this lesson doesn’t start here. We learn how to regard ourselves and others by the familial and social teachers in our lives.

You can learn and adopt a new way of thinking, doing and being. I once thought the first step in learning to trust was learning to trust myself. I no longer think that. I believe the first step in learning to trust is to trust God—just take Him at His word. It’s God who teaches me how to operate in every type of relationship, even how I relate to myself.

Taming-the-Culture-of-Distrust_ModelMeGirlThe social phenomenon we should be most concerned with is not if we trust others, but if we trust in Christ. This is who I speak of when I say God. I believe this AP-GfK study reveals what the Word of God said would be in the last days:

2 Timothy 3:1-5 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.(2)For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,(3)Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (4) Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; (5) Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Trucebreakers, false accusers and traitors are never trustworthy UNLESS they are redeemed and have recovered from their ways. What we tend to do is punish other people for one bad relationship, experience or hearsay. Should we be naive and blindly trust any and everybody? No. But being that these days present us with more trucebreakers, false accusers, traitors and prideful people, it makes sense that trust has declined. Morality and accountability have declined.

When we walk around our daily lives being suspicious of everyone or when we face the type of people mentioned in 2 Timothy 3, our chances of being rude increase. May God give us more patience and self-control! This level of suspicion isn’t healthy for the body and mind.

What we need are not more social networks, but connections. The real high-quality kind. Face-to-face. Real connections build trust—with regard to God, other people and yourself—when we move beyond the superficial. If and when our relationships are right with God, we will have right relationships with others. This is righteousness. This kind of righteousness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It cannot be bought or taught from a self-help book, conference or class. It is a gift from that comes from forgiveness and reconciliation.

James 3:18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

We are witnessing and living in the culture of distrust. Let’s not allow this culture to influence us to lose our trust in God or to treat others with disrespect and discourtesy.

 

 

Courtesy and Christianity

courtesy and christianity_ModelMeGirlCourtesy and Christianity do mix. I may add quite well, too. The Word of God calls us to be courteous. Why does it seem like we forget this part of our walk in holiness?

Being saved and boasting that you are blessed and highly favored is not permission to be rude. There are so many rude “Christians” in the church house. So many who are not kind, who do not esteem others better than themselves, and who actually worship at the “altar of me, myself, and I.”

Courteous: Respect and gracious consideration towards others; politeness; kindness; display of polished or good manners

It’s amazing to see seasoned (s)aints, mothers of the church, pastors, bishops, elders, deacons, praise teams, ushers, choir directors, musicians, and bench warmers not understand what piety, kindness, and politeness means. But you’re on your way to heaven anyhow, right?

These are stumbling-blocks, offenses to the Body of Christ. We should all make it a daily habit to look in the mirror, the perfect law of liberty, and see ourselves for who and how we really are.

Are you rude? Are you unkind? Are you impolite? If so, why? Are you hurt, angry, bitter, feeling empty?

On a personal note, when I caught myself being discourteous or rude in the past, God humbled me to see that the problem was me, not the other person or the situation. I am in charge of my actions and reactions. In the moments we feel angry or hurt, all we see is our own feelings, and it’s hard to see from the perspectives of others.  But if we just pause for a moment, we give ourselves room to make a better decision; to choose a better reaction; to maintain our integrity and be courteous.

Check It

If ill feelings are left unchecked, a root of bitterness will spring up, and this feeds rudeness, unkindness, and discourtesy. At the end, it chokes out your love, and you find yourself with a personality known as being rude, or as that angry girl or bitter woman.

Let us uncover the root of our unkindness and discourtesy in the church, and treat the problem, not just the symptoms. We can only treat this sickness with the power of the Holy Ghost. Perhaps we need a revival. A refreshing.

Good manners and courtesy is Scripture. With love, don’t leave them off.

Interview with ‘Real Life Model Me Girl’ – Victoria J. Mangham

I was privileged to interview the lovely ambassador for Christ and pageant princess, Victoria J. Mangham.

Victoria J. Mangham, 2012 Miss Michigan under the National American Miss pageant system

Victoria J. Mangham, 2012 Miss Michigan under the National American Miss pageant system.

 

Victoria is a young lady I admire for her poise, faith in Christ, and positive example she lives out for other women. It just seemed right that Victoria would be the first young woman chosen to be cast in the ‘Real Life Model Me Girl’ spotlight.

Victoria’s tweets via @MissTori_J come highly recommended because they are positively joyful.

Check out the full interview transcript below.

Interview with Victoria J. Mangham

Model Me Girl: Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Victoria: My name is Victoria J. Mangham and [at the time of this interview] I am currently 20 years old. I love God, fashion, blogging, and sharing my love for Christ. I have a shoe addiction, and I love to shop. I have been a pageant girl for the past ten years and am currently 2012 Miss Michigan under the National American Miss pageant system and 2012 National Sparkle Success under the Sparkle Success pageant system.  I am a pageant coach, and have a HUGE love for volunteerism. I am also a strong believer that you are able to do ALL things through Christ.

Model Me Girl: Will you tell us more about you being an aspiring designer?

Victoria: I am an aspiring fashion designer, focusing on footwear, although I am going to school to become a fashion merchandiser! I would love to launch my own shoe collection in the future.

Model Me Girl: What makes you a Real Life Model Me Girl?

Victoria: First and foremost, I love Jesus with my everything, as I owe Him my life. I begin each day asking God to guide and protect me, as all I want to do is model HIM. It means so much, that when people encounter me, they know Christ IS my life. Most people are so obsessed with TALKING the WALK, but not worrying about WALKING the TALK. It’s so important to actually live out the Word of God in this crazy World, and not becoming caught up with worldly ways. Jesus paid the price, they didn’t. So, what makes me a Real Life Model Me Girl? I live out the Word and encourage others DAILY to do the same. Living for the Kingdom is NOT easy, but it’s more than worth it. I mean, God is MORE than worth it, right? It just makes sense.

Model Me Girl: What’s your favorite Bible verse? Why?

Victoria: My favorite bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11, which states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Sometimes, things go a lot differently than we plan for them to go, but we MUST trust God and KNOW without a doubt, that He knows what is best for us. I struggled to understand this some time back, but as I delved into the Word more, my faith grew and it increased like never before. I finally understood that if I have faith in God, then that meant that I trusted Him. Yes, even through the storm.

Model Me Girl: How do you inspire other girls and women to cultivate their inner beauty and live for Christ?

Victoria: “Living for Christ is not easy, but it’s not only possible, it’s worth it.” This is a constant quote I tell the girls of my praise dance ministry at my church. I tell them that they are beautiful and amazing no matter what, and they do not need another human to tell them that to ensure it. I share my real life examples of living for Christ in a dying world to give them encouragement. I will be 21 at the end of this year, so they look at it as, “If SHE can live SAVED at such an important age, I can too. If SHE can live in THIS WORLD, but not be of THIS WORLD, I can too.” I believe its important to be a positive example to the younger generation and show them that it is possible to live for the Kingdom and still have fun…the SAVED way.

Model Me Girl: Who inspires you? How?

Victoria: My mother inspires me to be who I am today. Even as a small child, she always told me that I could be whatever I wanted; that with Christ, I am able. Needless to say, I kept these words with me all my life. Just remembering how hard she worked to make sure my brother and I were well taken care of, made me want to make something of my life, so that I would be able to take care of her in her senior years. My mother is my motivation to be a better ME.

Model Me Girl: How did you first get involved with pageantry?

Victoria: I have been asked this question a million times before, and the answer is quite simple: I have no clue.  Growing up, I was never into pageants, but an opportunity came up with National American Miss, when I was about 11 years old. My mother and I decided to try it, and I have been hooked ever since! Pageants rock! My mom NEVER pushed me to do them, she always made sure that I was happy and actually had the drive to compete. Little did we know, that first pageant ignited a fire in my heart for the pageantry world. In addition to my current titles I have already mentioned, I have also won other titles locally, statewide, and nationally. All glory belongs to God.

Model Me Girl: What do you find most challenging about pageantry?

Victoria: Now, if I were asked this about 3 years ago, I would say interview, but now that I have more confidence in myself and more experience in the field, it’s honestly my favorite part of any pageant. It is said that the winner is chosen during interview because the judges are able to interact with each contestant and find out more about her as an individual.

As of now, the most challenging part of pageantry is being able to stand in 6-inch stilettos for hours on end without falling out. Sounds funny, but it’s so true! When it comes to pageants, I made myself a personal rule of NEVER wearing flat shoes, nothing but heels. Why? Well, high-heeled shoes give ladies amazing posture and they also make short women, like myself (I’m 5’3”), awesome height! And what’s more? They look great with just about any outfit!

Now, please don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I find pageants not at all challenging, because they are, but I have found that when you focus on the negative, your performance mirrors [the negative]. If you concentrate on having a good time and doing your absolute best in the process, even if you do not walk away with the crown, you still have built memories that will last a lifetime. I tell the girls that I coach for various pageants, this same thing.

Model Me Girl: Can you tell us a little about your blog?

Victoria: My blog…well, it originally was to be posts about fashion and must-have items, but now I’ve decided to expand and discuss an array of topics.  I do not have a set schedule on when I write a post, so its pretty much whenever I have the time to sit down and flow, although I try to submit a discussion once a month.

A candid shot of the joyful Victoria J. Mangham.

A candid shot of the joyful Victoria J. Mangham.

The name of my blog is “The Power of Your Dreams” because I want individuals to understand that their dreams are powerful and with the right amount of will power, belief in God, and a lot of faith, they can accomplish those dreams. No matter the topic, it all points back to this mentality. There are so many young people in this world who BELIEVE that they can’t go the distance because someone TOLD them just that. I aim to encourage those people. My focus is uplifting those who have been beaten down emotionally, spiritually, and maybe even physically.

I have such a big heart; I actually feel what they feel. For example, in one of my posts, I speak on bullying. Well, believe it or not, I was bullied at a young age so I know for a fact how it feels to have someone constantly putting you down. I want to use my various testimonies to help, uplift, and encourage others while they are in their storms.

Model Me Girl: What motivated you to start blogging?

Victoria: I have ALWAYS had a desire to write, a fire in my spirit to explain how I feel either on paper or through dance. Although I use my twitter account to minister and encourage others, I still felt as if I needed another outlet. That outlet? Blogging.

Model Me Girl: You talked about bullying in one of your posts. How are you working to continue to “unveil this top issue,” and what advice would you give to a girl or young woman who is being bullied?

Victoria: Bullying will always be one of the top issues I plan to expand on throughout my life. As my current platform is anti-bullying, I have been visiting various schools and speaking on the issue. In addition to sharing my own story, I share stories of those who have lost their lives due to bullying. You would be surprised how many young people are taking their own lives because it gets to be too much persecution against them. I want to be THEIR voice, assuring them that they ARE worth it. The opinions of this world mean NOTHING; the only word that matters is that of Christ and strength can be found in the Lord for ANY situation, no matter how tough. At the conclusion of each presentation, I have them all sign a vow that simply states that they will never engage in bullying and if they see it happening, they will report it to the proper authorities.

Model Me Girl: Can you share a style secret or beauty tip with our readers?

Victoria: Well ladies! I had a constant problem of wanting to tuck in my shirts and blouses into my skirts or pants, but always worrying about seeing the end of garment underneath the skirt or pant and it was hassle having to continuously tuck the shirt back in! The solution? All you need are an old pair of stockings and a pair of scissors! I always tend to keep my stockings that have runs or rips in them for whatever odd reason, so I took a pair, cut off the legs to make a pair of shorts. I put that on under my pants or skirt and tuck the shirt into the top of the stocking. BOOM, no more issues!

–End

I hope you are encouraged after reading this interview with Victoria J. Mangham. It’s true, ladies—Being saved and living for Jesus Christ is the fabulous life!

Be sure to check out Victoria’s Blog: The Power of Your Dreams 

Follow her on Twitter: @MissTori_J

Review the press release about Victoria J. Mangham.

 

 

Good Manners & Kindness

So true!

good manners

Pointing Fingers

(ModelMeGirl.com)

I remember being a kid and pointing at something, perhaps in the store. Other times I may Pointing Fingershave pointed at a person as if to say, “Look!” On most or all occasions, my mom did what most adults would do. She’d lower my hand and say, “Put your hand down” or “Stop pointing. That isn’t polite.”

At an early age, we learn that pointing (when not giving directions) may offend others. It’s just plain rude. People may get the impression that you’re talking about them in a bad way if they catch you pointing towards them. So, our parents teach us to not point.

We’re rebellious little creatures, and grow up and still do it. We point. And we get good at it. Instead of innocently pointing cute, toddler-sized fingers, we point through gossip or casting blame.

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